Month: September 2019

My Facebook feed is filled to overflowing with so many pictures and posts of random amazingness that I find in my family regularly. But it doesn’t show the absolute crazy mess that we all are – also pretty regularly. Well, the last two days were no exception to the crazy norm. I’m not going to lie. It was tough. And I failed my family miserably.

I don’t know what really was going on. Maybe the planets were in some crazy alignment. Maybe it was a full moon. (Who has the time to check on such things?) Maybe I was in some crazy hormone upside down-ness. I’m not sure why I didn’t handle it all properly. I yelled. A lot. I tolerated nothing. I’m pretty sure my daughter’s brain had left the building. We homeschool, so I’m not unused to random days of brilliance and random days of total cluelessness. Well, for whatever reason, for two days there was the random days of total cluelessness and general non-compliance of standard rules in the home. I yelled. She cried. My poor husband just watched in confusion.

Today is day three. I established a rule a while ago to get my child’s handwriting speedier that she has to write three sentences in cursive with proper capitalization and punctuation, including grammar rules she knows, before she’s allowed to watch tv or play games on her phone. The very first thing she decided to do was completely accurately (and unsolicited) write each of her very difficult spelling words before she wrote three beautiful sentences. She proudly brought her white board to me to see. She didn’t demand her screen time. She just smiled at me proudly.

I praised her. Oh, how I praised her. I told her how proud I was of her work and her effort as well as her beautiful attitude and respectful behavior. I have no clue why this morning was any different than any other morning. Maybe she got the proper sleep she needed. Maybe she just decided she didn’t enjoy the fighting anymore than I did. I don’t know.

But I then took the time to tell her how sorry I was for not handling our time and our struggle better. I asked for her forgiveness for my bad attitude and told her I would do so much better with God’s help. We hugged. She thanked me and apologized for messing up, too.

You would think, since we do a really good Bible study daily together, since we pray so often for guidance and for help with our attitudes, since we love one another so deeply, that we wouldn’t have days filled with bad attitudes and strife. I wish I could say we get it right all the time. But we don’t. It’s just the honest truth. My mouth and my foul attitude can get the better of me. Her youth and struggle to take control can get her into so much trouble. Daily we ask for help.

You know, the Bible tells me to ask for wisdom and it will be given to me liberally. I’m not on my own. When I ask for wisdom, I also include asking for wise friends who can help me and push me in the right direction. I ask for friends who are willing to confront me when I’m not in the right. One of my least favorite things to hear is, “Yeah, ‘cuz that’s what Jesus would do.” I know it’s most times in sarcasm meant to make me evaluate my actions or words. But it’s my favorite thing to know that my friends care enough to challenge me. If you’re reading this and were too afraid to speak up, just know that I treasure friendships that have a common goal of being more gentle, truthful, loving, honest, and generally happier. I’ll be good to receive correction with the right heart. I’m not perfect. But I’ll try my best. When I get it wrong, I’ll apologize.

Those two days in a row of craziness got me so upside down that I totally forgot about a commitment to serve a friend and my local church. I can’t let my emotions and situations take my brain away. I have a new morning today to get it right. It’s getting started on the right foot. I’m praying it stays that way.

I keep seeing reports of celebrities, teens, moms, friends, church people, just too many in general, people who have taken their own lives. I’m not responding to any one occurrence. There are just too many to choose from. Truly, this is something I feel so heartbroken about.

We within the church have failed. Do I believe that Jesus died for us all? Yes – a resounding Yes. Do I believe He died to heal us? Yes – another resounding Yes. Do I believe He died to heal us even from mental disease and disorder? Yes, I really do. But that does not mean our efforts as Christians stop at telling a person who is suffering that Jesus died to heal them of their troubles. We cannot drop it in the sufferer’s lap and hope for the best, sending love and prayers over the airwaves, so to speak. When will we step in and help the ones suffering through life’s traumas? When will we hear their cries for help and step in?

I remember going through some pretty horrific stuff in my life. We all have. I’m certainly not glorifying what I’ve been through. But I cannot speak about what others have been through, only what I have experienced. What I do remember is those that stepped in to help however they could. Some sat with me while I ate. Some ate with me. Some just sat with me. Do you know what they were doing? They were making sure I ate, not just asking the next day. Some called me and checked up on me to make sure I was at work and not home in bed crying. Some emailed (I know, that’s kind of passé these days). They emailed to pass along their love to me, so I wouldn’t forget that I have loved ones who care.

Do you want to know what I also remember about those times? I remember who wasn’t there. I remember those that family practically begged to step in and be there for me. I’m not pointing fingers at anyone. Life is busy and overwhelming. I get it. I assure you that this is a reality check and wake-up call for me as much as anyone. I’m so thankful that those that helped did. I’m so thankful for those that weren’t even what I would have thought of as close friends who came to me in my distress and reached out to help me up. Not once did I get a single person who told me that I didn’t need help or that Jesus was the only help I needed. I actually was given names AND phone numbers (come on, y’all. Being there means giving all the tools, not just a name) of counselors and people who would be willing to listen to my struggles.

I do realize fully that Jesus died and was resurrected for us so that we could have life in abundance. I do. But I also realize fully that He meets us right where we are to help us. He never once tells someone that they have to get everything right before He will help. Nope. It’s not how He works. Let’s stop telling Christians that it’s altogether wrong to see a counselor or use a medication for mental issues. There is a huge issue I see in the church where people using anti-depressants are hiding their struggles so Christians don’t wag their all-judging fingers at them for not leaning on faith to get them through life.

Yes, He can. Yes, He will. Yes, He is completely able.

But where were YOU when He found you? I don’t know your story, but I was a hot stinking mess. Never once did I hear from God that in order to obtain salvation, I must be cleaned up and be strong enough to handle all that life throws at me. No. God met me IN my mess. God meets us right where we are and begins to build us up from there. If my faith isn’t where I can lean on it to get me through something, then I must be willing to get help. Those around me who claim to care more than anyone, that’s us Christian warriors and people of prayer, must be willing to lead me to the right help without judgement or condemnation for what I may need to begin the process of being filled with His righteousness. It has to start somewhere. It has to even start in the church. We MUST be willing to set aside judgement and meet people where they are – IN their hot mess of trouble.

Somehow, we seem more willing to step out and rescue drug addicts and alcoholics but leave the mentally unstable to themselves. We preach at them about how anti–depressants somehow are against Christian standards. How many diabetics do you know? I know A WHOLE LOT! Most of my family is diabetic. Did you know that one of the side effects of medications for diabetics is depression? Is that their fault? Is that not walking in the Truth? So many medications have crazy side effects that most of us know nothing about, but we are very quick to say how anti-depressants are so against the will of God. What IS against the will of God is His people struggling alone and ashamed to ask for help. We are the ones to blame for that.

I know. Most of us aren’t really the ones to blame. I personally would tell anyone I know who is struggling to get help. Many of you would, too. But I think we all need a reality check on our own selves. Are we stepping in as much as we should for our friends and family we already know are struggling?

It doesn’t have to be much. We all have lives and money issues and general busyness. I’ll never forget how much it meant to me to have my employees (MY EMPLOYEES who heard me reprimand them when they were wrong or dock pay for stuff or……..when I didn’t have enough coffee that morning) sit with me in a pizza place watching me eat pizza just to know that I wasn’t alone and that I wasn’t starving myself in depression.

I’m preaching at myself. I’m talking to you. I’m talking to all of us. I’m hoping we can make a difference. I’m hoping we can together save lives. I’m hoping no one who knows my name disappears from life because I was too distracted with my own needs that I haven’t reached out. I know. I’m not that powerful. I can’t expect that of myself. I can’t. I know. I’m so heartbroken over the oh-so-many I’ve seen in the past few years take their own lives. It happens too much. It’s truly an attack from the enemy himself to take away those we love and care about. I’m going to do better. I would rather take the chance of being rejected or thought to be too intrusive than to find out later that I could have tried, never followed through, and now they’re gone.

If I reach out to you, please know it’s in love with the best possible intentions. I’m a big girl and will deal with it, even if you don’t receive it the way it’s intended. No, I’m not referring to any one instance. I haven’t even read the circumstances of the most recent one, the young pastor that was just reported. No. I just have a heavy heart for so many we’ve already lost and I just hope to make a difference. This just shouldn’t be happening.

Don’t expect the hurting to come find you. They’re hiding from life and probably hiding their mess from you.