I’ve been hearing a strange type of speech lately from all kinds of places that has me concerned. We had a computer issue recently and had to bring the whole unit into the Apple Store. The technician that helped us with some pretty bizarre issues we were having kept saying these words, “I FEEL LIKE this is how we should proceed,” or, “I FEEL LIKE I’ve found the problem.” All I could wonder is what she knew, since she was basing my computer needs on her feelings.
Then, I’m regularly watching shows about home renovation but have noticed designers saying things like, “I FEEL LIKE this is the best use of this space.” Well, certainly feelings are there, but if I’m paying you for your design ability based on your education and experience, please be pulling from that knowledge instead of your feelings.
I’m concerned that it’s not the norm to hear, “I THINK this or that,” instead of, “I FEEL this or that.” I’m positive we are all still thinking somewhat. It’s just how we all operate and function in life. Even if you don’t think you’re thinking, you are. But what I’m more concerned about is that we are thinking more about what we feel than about what we know. If our feelings are taking the lead, we will be headed in all kinds of mixed up directions. Here’s another one that gets my goat, “Follow your heart.” Oh, man. Even the Bible says the heart is deceitful above all things and cannot be cured. I’ve followed my feelings before and had my heart broken. Wisdom simply MUST play a part in things.
What about our marriages? When our feelings don’t line up with our vows, we bail out or shut down. My previous blog articles have pretty often been about creating a peaceful and loving space for your marriage and family to thrive. It’s a decision. It’s most certainly NOT a feeling. Some of these decisions to love or forgive or answer softly have no choice but to come from a conscious decision to love, not a feeling. Usually those feelings tell me to be a seriously angry and manipulative person to get my way.
Feelings can activate when we see a good looking man who flatters us at work or even online. If we follow those feelings that allow us to be angry and unforgiving, that harmless flirtation that stimulates feelings can be easily justified and explored to a horribly dangerous end. Feelings can also tell us that there is no love left in our marriage. While there may be no FEELINGS of love, there is always love. It’s where we choose to share love that really matters. We can certainly show affection for our friends and family. We can show grace to the grocery checkout girl when she’s having a bad day. We can forgive siblings when they make decisions that hurt our feelings. But somehow we choose to cut off our spouses when the FEELING no longer burns in us. Feelings come and go regularly. No, feelings are certainly not the way to decide life’s most important twists and turns. Feelings will lead you to a broken life filled with empty hopes. Feelings are something God gave us. They’re not bad. They’re real, very real. But they do not have to control us. We can have feelings. But it’s when feelings have us that we are in trouble.
I have many female friends who have had children. It even applies to me when those children haven’t come from my body but through either marriage or adoption. Our bodies seem to forget their sexual value when children come along and demand our full attention. I’ve heard quite a few mothers express that they’ve lost the desire to physically please their husband. While I never will advocate forcing a physical relationship even within marriage, realizing that those feelings are normal and can be changed is a big deal. They’re just feelings. Hormones change later in life and for many that decreases libido and can cause a woman to lull into a comfortable intimacy-less life. Considering our spouses and their needs is a real issue that must be dealt with. Communication is the key. Certainly, physical intimacy is only one part of a marriage, but I do have to say that it’s an important part. There are enough limitations that can come against a married couple. Health issues alone can bring so many of them. Communicating with your spouse about what you are going through will bring you through miles of rough roads to a gloriously happy and satisfying marriage. No, physical intimacy is not required. But don’t forget about it.
When our children show us that they are unhappy with being told NO or receiving a punishment or maybe even that they simply have to get homework finished before playing with friends, their response is somewhat heart wrenching. This is especially difficult during the teen years when their words can be overly emotional and cut right to the heart of a parent. But, just because my feelings are that I’m sad that my child is upset, I cannot decide to follow my feelings and allow them to dictate decisions about what’s best for them. No, I must be a good parent and make decisions about what I know is best for them. At any age, they have no clue what is best. They don’t like vegetables, but they don’t understand much about what their bodies need to grow healthy and strong. So, we make them eat vegetables. They don’t understand why it’s important to stand by a commitment they’ve made, even when something more fun presents itself as an option to choose instead. But reliability and integrity speak volumes about the character of a person. If you’ve committed to something, follow it through. Just try to plan any event and you’ll see how few commit at all and how many who even did commit even show up. Lack of commitment is an epidemic in our society. If you want to change it, start first with yourself. We adults must lead the way.
Believe me when I say that I’m preaching at myself first. I’m a horribly shy introvert who looks for any and all reasons to say I won’t be attending pretty much everything. If I’ve made it to your event, I’ve overcome a lot to get myself there. The good thing is that I’ve married an extrovert who gets me as far out of my comfortable box than I ever thought possible. Add that to my social butterfly child and you’ve got a recipe for anxiety written in bold. But truthfully, I’m not called to be a hermit, as much as I’d like to be one. Life just doesn’t happen in the confines of my home’s walls. My FEELINGS will allow me to stay there and keep the world at an arm’s length. I’m good at it. God did not create us that way. He didn’t create me that way. And He didn’t create you that way.
I saw a post by Proverbs31.org that really inspired me to write this. Whether or not our feelings dictate the negative, we still have a choice how to operate.
“I’ve seen that each day I can make choices that move me toward or away from these fruits of character in my life:
Love or hate
Joy or sadness
Peace or worry
Patience or frustration
Kindness or rudeness
Goodness or meanness
Faithfulness or indifference
Gentleness or harshness
Self-control or self-indulgence.”