Colonel Potter

I know. You’re thinking, “Who?” I’m showing my age, for sure. But I’m a fan of the old M.A.S.H. episodes. There’s one in particular featuring Colonel Potter that popped into my head the other day and won’t leave. He’s not only the boss in the unit, but he’s a surgeon as well. It’s why they’re all there. It’s a mobile surgical unit stationed in the middle of battle areas in Korea during the war. It’s a very dramatic show with lots of funny interruptions. I like it.

Anyway, I was thinking of the episode in which Colonel Potter has a sort of meltdown after inadvertently missing some shrapnel under the liver of a soldier he was operating on. Another surgeon had to perform another surgery to fix it. That situation tipped the seasoned soldier over the edge. He suddenly starts to question his ability as he ages. He starts snapping at the soldiers in his unit under him. He even reaches out to a military psychologist for help. He flips out about how horrible the war is and how horrible death is for these young men putting their lives on the line for another country. He just snaps.

I get it. I sure do get it. I think it’s the overwhelming feeling of loss of control. I really do get it. Life is tough. It’s tough for everyone. I’m certainly not making my life anything more than anyone else’s. We truly are “in this together.” But I sure feel it. I feel like snapping at everyone about little not usually bothersome idiosyncrasies daily. I feel like retiring from responsibilities. I feel like I can’t seem to get it right most days. I don’t do it, though. I don’t act on those feelings. But it goes on inside my head regularly.

2020 seems to be the year the whole world has lost its collective marbles. I hate going to the grocery store, because there’s so much fear pouring from the people around me. I hate having to do field trips for my child via Zoom, because I can’t control the pandemic and how it’s handled. I’m frustrated that going out to eat, which is normally relaxing and rewarding, is just as stressful as heading out to the grocery store. Everyone everywhere is in fear of the future. Many aren’t in fear of the virus, some are. It’s the fear of the future that is gripping some by the throats. It’s gripping me some days.

Yeah, it’s not a real truth, though. I’ve found myself having to be actively reminding myself that I’m ok. I reminded myself that just because we haven’t had a date night in a while doesn’t mean I’m failing at marriage. Just yesterday, I had to remind myself that I’m not failing as a mother just because my child decided to be very dramatic and treat her friends horribly. I’m not failing as a church-goer just because I’m nervous about serving in another area that’s not really all that new, just holds new people and new relationships that scare me.

There is a song on the radio that I’ve been listening to that reminds me that I am not in control. God is. He didn’t forget that this stuff is going on all around us. He didn’t just take the year of 2020 off and let us fend for ourselves, as much as it may seem that way. “It’s Gonna Be OK.” That’s what she sings. It’s God reminding us – reminding me – that it’s going to be ok. He’s singing over me. He’s singing over you. He’s saying, “It’s going to be ok.”

I think (if I remember how the episode ends) that poor Colonel Potter comes to his senses and puts things back into perspective. I think that he understands that the war is horrible and that all he can do to give all of himself to help is to just keep going and just use his gifts and abilities to mend the broken and care for the dead. They are all just trying to get home. They are all making the best of the craziest of situations they are in no way able to control. He realizes that it’s not about him at all, but about others.

Well, that’s the way I took that episode at least. It’s not about me and my feelings. I’m looking at the chaos in the world today and realizing that when the Bible tells me that there is “nothing new under the sun” that God is just reaching out to me to remind me that this is not the end. He is still in control. I’m not the one that has to have all the answers. I just have to rely on the One that does hold all the answers to all the questions for all the problems in all the world. All. It’s a huge word. All. He has it all. I don’t have to.

But it’s hard sometimes. It just is. He is enough.